My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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