what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
