I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
