Rock
Scissors
Fuck
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
