then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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