I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
