They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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