So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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