How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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