I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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