Im at strip club and am horny
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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