My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
