The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My ass is underappreciated
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
