Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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