i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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