Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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