That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
