cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think my mom watched the whole time
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
