It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
