I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The uberlube is also flammable
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
