my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
