They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
