We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
