I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
