Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
