so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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