I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
