I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yo dont text me then not text me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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