how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
