i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
