Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
