he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
