I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
