this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
