Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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