thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
