I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
