Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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