is your mom at the bar?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
