Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have tasted many bathrooms
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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