i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Randomize
