The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
