wakey wakey hands off snakey
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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