the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
