Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
