i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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