the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
