dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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