Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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