She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
