great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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