Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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