Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
