have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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