I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
