Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
