drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
