I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
