you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
