Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
