I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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