Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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