this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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