hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
