I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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