maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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