So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
