What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
