ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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