it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
