i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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