I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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