i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
