You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
