I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize