Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
