M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
