apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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