I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
