Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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