Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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