I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
