Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
