he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize