Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
