she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just had sex on a roof
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
