we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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