I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
