Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
