I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
