tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she smelled like a LAN party
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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