I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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