so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think my moral compass just broke
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