Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
