Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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