ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
