In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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