I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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