what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
