Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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