I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
