No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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