I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
