Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
