dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
