So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
