I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
