How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
