He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
