I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
