i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
