he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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